Archive April 11, 2024

Have you ever learned something that empowered you to help others throughout you career? I’ve gathered a few gems from my past and will offer them in a quick, easy to read series designed to help with managing people. Throughout my career, I’ve used this first story many times to help employees and friends who are having issues with others to find a productive path to solving their own communication issues.

It was in the late 1970’s and I was the Real Estate officer at a bank. My dad was the manager of a different branch of the same bank,. He shared with me a cassette tape of a speaker from a management conference he attended. The speaker was very dynamic and uplifting. I remember the speaker’s last name was Wilson. He told a story about communication that went something like this:

Husband: Honey, where are my shoes? (said innocently)

Wife: If you put your shoes where they belong, you’d know where to find them. (Said with sarcasm and tone!)

Husband: Up yours baby! (Said with great emotion!)

Mr. Wilson then went on to dissect the conversation like this:

Husband: Honey, where are my shoes? … is a question asked from the husband’s adult ego state.

Wife: If you put your shoes where they belong, you’d know where to find them … is a response from the wife’s parent ego state.

Husband: Up your baby! … is a response from the husband’s child ego state.

While this example uses unfair stereotypes that were predominant in the 70’s, it nevertheless causes the listener to grasp the concept of ego states. Nowadays I clarify that it can be either spouse in either role, matching the innocent gender to the person I’m talking to.

Mr. Wilson made the point that true communication only happens when both parties are interacting from their respective adult ego states. This is especially true a business supervisorial setting. His conclusion was if a party is in their child or parent ego state, find a way to hook their adult and only then deal with the problem at hand. Hook first, then resolve!

Since that time, the internet has exploded with information, including more depth about transaction analysis, ego state theory, personalities, behavioral science, and psychology. I’ve since learned that ego states is part of Transactional analysis that was formulated by American Psychiatrist Eric Berne in 1958.

If the concept that people are wired differently and have different needs, focuses and ingrained methodology in approaching life is of interest to you, then you may want to learn about Temperament Types. Please Understand Me by Keirsey & Bates is a good start. It explains Myers & Briggs Temperament Types and is one of many models that help people understand that we are all wired differently. Given our differences, understanding others helps one to get along with and even to motivate others. I highly recommend this reading.

If that reading gels with you and you are looking for even more interesting reading, I suggest Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. Goleman delineates the five crucial skills of emotional intelligence, and shows how they determine our success in relationships, work, and even our physical well-being. Truly, understanding others is critical to meeting the needs of employees and providing employee satisfaction. Of course the company will benefit from more productive, quality work in the process.  

It must be said that no one has all the answers to every situation but when your core value is to create an “everybody wins” objective, then paying attention to solving communication issues becomes important. We welcome the opportunity to add value to all our relationships and hope this information helps you.

Bob Stackhouse – President, Asset Commercial Credit

©All rights reserved 2021

First, a few words about the times. Bad things are happening to many (a gross understatement). My prayers are with all who Covid-19 has impacted, their families and the health care workers who are witnessing tragedy every day. I really cannot imagine the burden the Health Care workers carry. Clergy carries the same or similar burden as they help us deal with death and tragedy.

We also see and hear a lot of people channeling their instinctive hostile energy to very negative political rants. Anger to a degree can be a motivator to action to solve a problem. Anger can also eat at one’s soul and be harmful to one’s physical health. Getting it out is better than holding it in. However, my hope is that we can all find a way to channel that instinctive hostile energy into creative and constructive outlets and not let it eat away at us. My suggestion is to avoid angry rants and find a way to productively solve the problem or issue. If you are feeling powerless, find a group and talk through potential solutions. Brainstorming can be effective in both exercising the anger and in solving the problem.

If you can, let’s not lose sight that good things are happening to many. My granddaughter recently expressed joy about getting very quality home teaching from my daughter. Some of this kind of interaction is both trying and rewarding at the same time. This time together can truly be an opportunity for belonging, growth, productivity and joy.

Many of us have expressed that we just do not have the time we need to complete priority tasks. We are picking and choosing which tasks are the highest priority.  One might just take this opportunity to go deeper on our lists and get more done. That may be reading the book you’ve been wanting to read. Perhaps it means cleaning the garage or going through possessions and getting rid of items that you no longer need. Alternatively, one could study up on that skill you wanted to learn. This may be the best time to connect with distant family who you’ve been meaning to talk with but haven’t because of a lack of time. A good friend recently said that he was experiencing Groundhog Day. After laughing and thinking about one of my favorite movies, I responded: “So when are you taking up piano lessons”.

Health care workers, teachers and other essential personnel are overloaded with responsibilities, duty and demands on their time. My best response is to suggest they think about what type of help or assistance can be productive and then ask for help. Helpers do not always know how to help or what is the most efficacious assistance. Sometimes they actually get in the way as they are trying to help. Thinking it through and then giving constructive guidance is the key to getting quality relief. Also, to the degree possible, overloaded people should unload responsibility to others in addition to tasks.

Many of you are working from home during the pandemic. That probably means you still have a job or if self-employed, you are pursuing your dream. It might mean that you are furloughed or laid off but are trying to keep your skills fine-tuned. Here are twelve items to keep productive and your sanity:

1.Decide you will make this time productive. Choose to make the best of it. A big part of life is attitude. It will make a difference in the quality of life.

2. Create a dedicated space to do your work that way it will be easier to stay focused. Avoid the TV and the couch. If you are like me, the couch signifies relaxing and I’d easily be distracted.

3. If you have family at home get an agreement with them that work hours belong to work, unless there is an emergency. Though a quick hug on their way to the park is still a good idea.

4. Make a schedule and keep to it. The schedule should be as detailed as your personality preferences will allow.

5. Get up at the time you normally get up. Routine is important for productivity.

6. Take a walk for the length of time you normally drive to work. This is a gift to yourself and your health. It will help to remain focused during the rest of the day.

7. Set clear goals for the day, listing them on paper or a white board. If you are not a list person, do it anyway. It is about creating structure and defining the day’s success. This self-feedback will be important to staying focused and minimizing the drudgery of an extended isolation period.

8. Communicate with your team. Learn about conference software and use it. I like Zoom and Facetime. There are many more.

9. Take a lunch break away from your work space. Eat and relax. You might want to set a timer so as to avoid letting the break run away with the day.

10. Be sure to take at least two other short breaks during the day. Physical activity has great merits. Exercise, walk or dance to your favorite song. Set a time limit to go back to work.

11. Check off completed tasks. That will give you visual evidence of your productivity and help you stay on task.

12. Stop at the end of the work day. Remember time off work is valuable to your health, enjoy.

If you have other good suggestions, feel free to respond to this blog.

Something else for fun:

• Some say the glass is half empty -Pessimists
• Some say it is half full – Optimists
• Some say it is the wrong size glass – Engineers
• Some say that there is not enough information, it depends on whether the glass is in the process of emptying or in the process of filling (momentum) – Physicist & OD Consultants

Bob Stackhouse, President, Asset Commercial Credit

© Bob Stackhouse – All rights reserved – April 2020

Have you ever learned something that empowered you to help others throughout you career? Sharing stories is the focus of this series. Here is another gem from my past designed to help with managing people. This core concept/analogy has also been used many times to help employees and friends who are having issues with others to find a productive path to solving their own communication issues.

This initial challenge occurred early in my career when I was the assistant manager at a bank. Three of the employees were upset (I’ll call them the choir). The core issue was stated to be the behavior of one particular employee. She seemed to do things that caused angst. The rest of the team wanted nothing to do with her and frankly slowed their performance. The offending employee did get her work done with decent quality. Many customers gravitated to her.

When I drilled down on the actual things that the employee was doing, her actions were somewhat defensible, but certainly were not cooperative or team oriented. She was pretty and glided like a princess, expecting others to pamper her desires. She was very self-centered and while she thought she was a team player, she was not. It was one of those situations where her sense of self was out of sync with her actual actions. In fact, she was a prima donna. She got her confidence from her looks and relationship with the reigning Regional Vice President that was ultimately everyone’s boss. Locally, she didn’t care that she offended others, perhaps she actually liked it. I think that the more she offended, the happier she was. I think it made her feel powerful.

What solved that situation was to get the choir to stop putting out egg shells (I’ll explain shortly) in her path and to stop reacting when she stomped them out. The concept that the choir subconsciously tempted the prima donna was something that they were unaware of. They originally wanted me to direct her behavior on each and every issue. I call that a traffic cop solution. The choir stopped putting out egg shells so when the prima donna started stamping, nothing broke and the choir started to see her for what she was. Shortly thereafter the prima donna changed her behavior and stopped stamping and the whole atmosphere changed in a positive way.

The concept of using egg shells which are easily broken is an analogy for something that is easily offended.  The analogy can be very useful in focusing one on what they are really doing and in changing behavior. It’s kind of like baby proofing a house when you have a toddler … or avoid unwanted critters by stop putting out food in the backyard.

One moral is to store your fine China (things that easily upset you) out of reach because people will be people. A second lesson here is to avoid being a traffic cop or referee. Otherwise you’ll be doing that permanently. First, understand the core issue and not just the symptoms, then find a solution that can be a catalyst to the core problem resolving itself.

Bob Stackhouse – President, Asset Commercial Credit

©All rights reserved